Made In Chelsea: S7E3 Review

Author: Mel Brownlee /

Episode 3 starts with Jamie and Spencer not so subtly lurking around fashion week in the vain hope of picking up some models. Even Victoria is smart enough to recognise this, but then again they didn’t exactly make any attempt to deny what they were up to. One has to assume they like to look like desperate perverts.

Alex meets up with Mummy Binky and she asks to meet his parents – awkward is not even the right word! Mummy Binky quickly cuts to the chase by surprisingly telling Alex that she believes he hasn’t been unfaithful to her daughter which makes her single handily the most na├»ve person since Louise took Spenny back for the millionth time. Rob then rocks up after Louise and Binky were conveniently chatting about him. Apparently Louise really likes him – clearly just a way of trying to make Spencer jealous: we all know your game you teeny tiny human! With this, Binky decides to phone Alex and suss out Rob’s feelings towards Louise, who nervously chews on a napkin and makes herself look like even more of a tit than she already is.

Spencer confesses that he is slightly sceptical of any relationship at the moment. I am so lost for words at this deluded statement that I can’t even comment on it for the time being. Anyone would think he was the one whose adulterous other half cheated on them in their own bed.

Binky proves she is as big of a mug as her mother by feeling sorry for Alex due to all of the rumours flying around about his philandering ways. Poor him, it must be so horrible to finally have the truth catch up with you!

Elsewhere, Jamie and Spenny have actually ventured of out SW and headed over to the City. They must be coming down with something – that or they have slept with every single woman in Chelsea and now have to find a different kind of London girl prey. Jamie once again proves that his expensive education was literally wasted on him by being unable to communicate in a coherent and respectable way. And then he says he looks like Karl Lagerfield. I am not sure who should be more insulted at this point.

Louise decides to wear a bright red cape in order to attract Spencer once again. Much like how a baboon exposes their red bottom in order to get a mate. She then proceeds to subtly slag off Emma  - I suppose we are meant to believe this means she does not care, but unfortunately for Miss Thompson it has the completely opposite effect. As always.

Why the actual fuck is Alex in a turtle neck jumper? Is it not bad enough that he always wears eyeliner, now he has to offend us with this ridiculousness?!

Proudlock and Stevie leave Louise and Rob to talk by themselves and we can see her brain ticking over wondering how much longer she has to put up with him before Spencer comes running back out of sheer fear he could lose another easy lay.

Emma proves she is as easy a conquest as Lucy Watson was by agreeing to go out with Spencer once more, even though he has just admitted he really fancied her whilst he was in a serious, long-term relationship. That’s another brainless knob Spencer can add to his bed post.

The boys struggle their way through an assault course shouting out “yeah boi” – unfortunately they all survived this test, much to my bitter disappointment.

Lucy professes that she believes Alex is innocent of all charges against him and she should know, right? Being the author of a dating book I would imagine she is the ultimate voice of wisdom on the matter. Let’s hope that opinion doesn’t blow up in her face, goodness knows what that will do to the sales of her book! Jokes. She then has a bitch fit over the fact that Jamie has brought another girl to her birthday party and awkwardly asks if he has told her he loves her yet. Because you don’t stink of bitterness or anything, do you Lucy?

I was thinking Louise and Rob’s date was one of the most awkward things I have ever seen, but then her brother Sam comes along and takes the cake as he tries to chat up a couple of ladies. Oh my god, it’s actually hilarious. There is no either way to describe what I am seeing.

I would also like to retract my earlier comment about Emma – apparently she does have more than 2 brain cells to rub together: she said NO to Spencer! Despite his best efforts, she turns him down point blank and I have never been more proud of a fellow female. Well done Emma, you have made the best decision of your life thus far (although she did still agree to go out on dates with him – I wouldn’t even dignify him with that).

Finally, Alex decides to come clean(ish) after being put on the spot by Cheska. He admits that he has suffered from “black-outs” where he cannot remember what he did, or who he did if we are going to be technical. As much as I would like to have a huge rant at this point about cheaters, I think the best punishment for Alex was seeing how distraught his selfish and careless actions had made Binky who pretty much has always deserved happiness over anyone in the entire show. Hope you can live with yourself Alex, because no one else will now!


See you next week J




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