Made In Chelsea: S7E2 Review

Author: Mel Brownlee /

Here we go again. Round 2: 5 seconds in and I have already pressed pause to catch my breath from laughing like a loon over Spenny and Jamie + boxing gloves + the gym. They are such jokes. Spencer states that Jamie is lucky he wouldn’t be in the same weight class as him – yes he is lucky, the sheer magnitude of your enormous ego would almost certainly squash that scrawny little bugger half to death….

…and by the by – is Alex wearing left over eye liner from last week’s party or is this some kind of new fashion statement in the Sloanie circle? I am genuinely horrified.

There is a new girl on the block – so obviously she is Spencer’s love interest – a model called Emma who apparently dated Leo DiCaprio, which means she probably tried to kiss him like most of us opportunist Leo-crazed women would and he was drunk enough or Victoria’s Secret model-less enough to respond momentarily. Spencer declares he really likes her because they have not slept together yet. Caggie syndrome or what?

Alex is definitely wearing eye liner. I…I just…I just can’t even. I can’t.

Binky and Alex set up an awkward double date between Lucy and his housemate – unbeknownst to Lucy, and she quickly makes it clear that she prefers the company of her dog to most people. Well I don’t blame you, Miss Watson – from what I have been watching for the last few years it’s certainly slim pickings in the borough of Chelsea! I have no doubt in my mind that your dog is more riveting than most of your “friends”. Speaking of Lucy Watson did you know she is releasing a £12.99 book called The Dating Game? How on God’s good earth did that happen? Didn’t realise all you had to do was be a senseless Blair Waldorf wannabe in order to get a book deal these days. They must have left that out of the Writers & Artists Yearbook. And how is it possible for someone who fell for Spencer Matthew’s drivel only to be cheated on by him weeks later to write a dating advise book? She is probably the last person I would take love advise from. I’d sooner ask my cat’s opinion, and my cat we call Thicky at that…

Whilst I am on the topic of the senseless…Emma walks in on Spencer kissing another girl at the bar in a horrifically awkward encounter and yet she still agrees to go for brunch with him the next day. You can’t make this stuff up!

Meanwhile Spencer denies the fact that he is a playboy even though that it seems to be the “general consensus”. Yes it is Spenny, but only because you have tried to make it so due to the fact that you are desperate to be known as a Lothario when really you cannot play the game to save your sad little life.  Elsewhere in the land of the perpetually delusional, Jamie says that he is too creative – yes your Candy Kittens idea really proved that to the world, didn’t it biscuits?

Call the paramedics, get me a diazepam – Mark Francis is in the gym. What is this black magic?! I can only assume that it is an ultra-uber-glamorous-private gym as he cannot possibly be seen to be in a confined space with sweaty peasants – that would be positively ghastly!

In a bid to get herself more than 5 minutes of air time, Louise hosts a singles party. And I was sure she couldn’t possibly look more desperate if she tried.

I assume everyone would like to know my thoughts on Stevie’s poem: I was half expecting to be grimacing throughout the entire performance but I actually didn’t find it too painful…it was the conversation between him and Proudlock afterwards that sealed it as yet another cringe-worthy MIC scene. Do any of the men in Chelsea possess balls?! Any?! Poor Stevie, he is never going to have much going for him and is now delving into the world of poetry to lure in females. Run ladies, run for your lives!

I would, however, like to see Stevie write a poem about the exchange of words between Emma and Louise (with Lucy sulking on the side) about the 2 loves of Spencer’s life: Caggie and Emma. Louise has never heard him mention Emma. Emma doesn’t seem too phased. Lucy looks pissed off. Louise blatantly still loves Spenny. When will his power over women cease to exist? And when will Lucy realise that Andy is the one to go for? He is by far the best guy on the show and yet he is always left picking up the pieces of Jamie and Spencer’s failed relationships. What a waste. The girls of TOWIE would eat him alive – in a good way. Wit-woo.

Binky is still feeling sorry for herself over the rumours of Alex cheating on her, which is starting to get a little boring now – a wet blanket allegedly cheating on a soft touch does not make for good television. The outcome is predictable: he cheated, she is broken-hearted and yet they remain friends for the good of the show. Or something along those lines.

To wrap up the episode we are given a preview of next week where Louise predictably finds something about Spencer’s new love interest that she doesn’t like and Cheska once again is the bearer of bad news. How delicious!




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