Here we go again. Round 2: 5
seconds in and I have already pressed pause to catch my breath from laughing
like a loon over Spenny and Jamie + boxing gloves + the gym. They are such
jokes. Spencer states that Jamie is lucky he wouldn’t be in the same weight
class as him – yes he is lucky, the sheer magnitude of your enormous ego would
almost certainly squash that scrawny little bugger half to death….
…and by the by – is Alex wearing
left over eye liner from last week’s party or is this some kind of new fashion
statement in the Sloanie circle? I am genuinely horrified.
There is a new girl on the block –
so obviously she is Spencer’s love interest – a model called Emma who
apparently dated Leo DiCaprio, which means she probably tried to kiss him like
most of us opportunist Leo-crazed women would and he was drunk enough or
Victoria’s Secret model-less enough to respond momentarily. Spencer declares he
really likes her because they have not slept together yet. Caggie syndrome or
what?
Alex is definitely wearing eye liner. I…I just…I just can’t even. I can’t.
Binky and Alex set up an awkward
double date between Lucy and his housemate – unbeknownst to Lucy, and she
quickly makes it clear that she prefers the company of her dog to most people.
Well I don’t blame you, Miss Watson – from what I have been watching for the
last few years it’s certainly slim pickings in the borough of Chelsea! I have
no doubt in my mind that your dog is more riveting than most of your “friends”.
Speaking of Lucy Watson did you know she is releasing a £12.99 book called The Dating Game? How on God’s good earth
did that happen? Didn’t realise all you had to do was be a senseless Blair Waldorf
wannabe in order to get a book deal these days. They must have left that out of
the Writers & Artists Yearbook. And how is it possible for someone who fell
for Spencer Matthew’s drivel only to be cheated on by him weeks later to write
a dating advise book? She is probably the last person I would take love advise
from. I’d sooner ask my cat’s opinion, and my cat we call Thicky at that…
Whilst I am on the topic of the senseless…Emma
walks in on Spencer kissing another girl at the bar in a horrifically awkward
encounter and yet she still agrees to go for brunch with him the next day. You
can’t make this stuff up!
Meanwhile Spencer denies the fact
that he is a playboy even though that it seems to be the “general consensus”.
Yes it is Spenny, but only because you have tried to make it so due to the fact
that you are desperate to be known as a Lothario when really you cannot play
the game to save your sad little life. Elsewhere
in the land of the perpetually delusional, Jamie says that he is too creative –
yes your Candy Kittens idea really proved
that to the world, didn’t it biscuits?
Call the paramedics, get me a
diazepam – Mark Francis is in the gym. What is this black magic?! I can only
assume that it is an ultra-uber-glamorous-private gym as he cannot possibly be
seen to be in a confined space with sweaty peasants – that would be positively
ghastly!
In a bid to get herself more than
5 minutes of air time, Louise hosts a singles party. And I was sure she couldn’t
possibly look more desperate if she tried.
I assume everyone would like to
know my thoughts on Stevie’s poem: I was half expecting to be grimacing
throughout the entire performance but I actually didn’t find it too painful…it
was the conversation between him and Proudlock afterwards that sealed it as yet
another cringe-worthy MIC scene. Do any of
the men in Chelsea possess balls?! Any?! Poor
Stevie, he is never going to have much going for him and is now delving into
the world of poetry to lure in females. Run ladies, run for your lives!
I would, however, like to see
Stevie write a poem about the exchange of words between Emma and Louise (with
Lucy sulking on the side) about the 2 loves of Spencer’s life: Caggie and Emma.
Louise has never heard him mention Emma. Emma doesn’t seem too phased. Lucy
looks pissed off. Louise blatantly still loves Spenny. When will his power over
women cease to exist? And when will Lucy realise that Andy is the one to go
for? He is by far the best guy on the show and yet he is always left picking up
the pieces of Jamie and Spencer’s failed relationships. What a waste. The girls
of TOWIE would eat him alive – in a good way. Wit-woo.
Binky is still feeling sorry for
herself over the rumours of Alex cheating on her, which is starting to get a
little boring now – a wet blanket allegedly cheating on a soft touch does not
make for good television. The outcome is predictable: he cheated, she is
broken-hearted and yet they remain friends for the good of the show. Or
something along those lines.
To wrap up the episode we are
given a preview of next week where Louise predictably finds something about
Spencer’s new love interest that she doesn’t like and Cheska once again is the bearer
of bad news. How delicious!
Ciao,
M
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